Comparing Grief…..

Every so often I have someone come up to me to reassure me that they know “exactly” how I feel and “exactly” what I’m going through. They go on to let me know about their uncle’s death, their divorce, adoption gone wrong and even the death of a spouse. I have to graciously remind myself that as human beings we HAVE to express our grief and most times we may just not know what to say OR bringing up our grief to someone that is grieving allows us to feel better about ourselves.

The reality is …is that not ONE person’s grief is the same as another’s. Relationships between a mother and a son is completely different than the relationship of a wife and a husband. A loving grandfather and his beautiful granddaughter is completely different than a brother and a sister. An adoption gone wrong to a couple’s dream of becoming parents is different than a couple who thought they would spend the rest of their lives together only to end up divorced. I say all this ONLY to acknowledge the fact that even though not one persons grief is the same as the others, GRIEF IS STILL PAIN AND PAIN GOES SO DEEP in that persons grief that in a way we are able to relate to the end resulting in the same pain…grief….trials….darkness...confusion…sadness etc.

The remedy to everyone’s pain can ONLY be the same when it come from JESUS Christ Himself. His promises are the exact same to each trial and each person. His love and understanding is the same to all. (psalm 18 says HE understands our thoughts afar off) His patience, love and kindness is the same. HE IS THE SAME AND CAN RELATE TO EVERYONE BECAUSE HE CREATED EVERYONE.

As I got on facebook this morning the first picture that popped up on my homepage was a friend from years ago and her growing family. She and her husband lovingly stood next to each other along with their 4 kids and one on the way. As genuinely happy and excited I was for them I couldn’t help but at that moment just break down and weep. I began to cry out loud, “why can’t I be next to the man I love? Why can’t we be having another baby? Why can’t our ministry grow together? Why can’t my boys daddy coach their soccer team?” I was so overcome in despair that the wind was knocked out of me. As I looked up both my beautiful gifts from God came around from the corner of their bedroom. Eyelids swollen trying to open up still, stinky little breath saying, “morning mommy.” I immediately stopped and then started crying again!!! (I was obviously a wreck) Not only was my heart so broken for myself, but my heart carried so many sadness for my very own children I never thought in a million years they would have to face.

When I keep focus on my circumstances, my days are only foggy dark, sad, and angry. The Bible is true and if I believe it to be that then I HAVE TO LOOK UP. Look up to see the sun shining through the clouds, the many blessings.

At times, I do feel alone, as if not a soul in the world knows what I’ve gone through, what the boys and I daily go through and so on. (I know many can understand, but that’s just how I feel sometimes and I’m just being honest.) It feels like I’m walking though a crowd…everyone is walking forward and moving and I’m running against them and no one seems to notice. I know it’s ridiculous, but that would be the woman in me I guess, irrational.

In Psalm 20:4 it says that we can and will rejoice in our salvation. WE ARE SAVED and if you’re not then you need to contact me so I can tell you what you are missing out on. WE get to be in eternal life forever one day!!!! That is for sure something to be excited about.

“There are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless the Lords counsel that will stand.” –proverbs 19:21 We can not plan our steps because HE should be directing our paths.

IF there are sorrows in our hearts, be assured that when we get to heaven HE will wipe away every tear. The pain will never go away. It’s learning to lean on the Father when I don’t feel like it or even want to. Peter got it right when he told Jesus, “where else would I go? YOU alone have the words of eternal life.” I pray that we would not try to compare our stories to others OR even try to say what we would do in someone else’s situation, but rather we would be still, listen, pray and know that we can relate all things through Christ.