I read this blog today from another widow. "Sometimes I'm not sure how to word what I feel and as time passes by I have a hard time saying I'm doing ok, even though I am, because I fear people will think I have moved on and forgotten when in reality it's just different now. Not harder, not easier, just different. With different challenges and waves of sadness, everyday, I have learned to lay Brent at the altar, and everyday I CHOOSE to give my boys a good childhood and I choose to persevere. But that doesn't always mean it's easy." I wish I had written these words BUT they relay my heart so much:
I remember so vividly the morning after my husband died. I could not understand how the sun could come up after he left this world. How could life go on so carelessly for everyone else while mine was shattered. The pain being so deep, my life feeling so empty, my world being so cold. The sun did rise that morning and it has every morning since.
It takes time to accept that reality. It takes a lot of hard work grieving, and a lot of empty, lifeless moments. From the start of my loss I knew it was not my ending but rather the ending to a time-period in my life. I knew in time there would be new beginnings but little did I know the twists and turns that lie ahead.
My post-sunrise beginnings have been breathtaking. Yes, they still have pain, but they now have the perspective of loss, and that vantage point has blessed me with a deeper love of life and a more appreciative soul. My new normal, while very different than my old life, is ripe with more beauty than I ever dreamed possible.
Today, look at the sunrise and start seeing your new beginning in the distance. You don't have to run and embrace it today if you are not ready, but accept it's existence and be open to the beauty it just might hold for you.