Fighting for Love

(11 years ago today)

Now I’m not a love expert, but I sit here tonight, thinking about 11 years ago, Love, marriage, family, children, the Cross and all sorts of different love that we experience here on this earth. I can’t help but think about the Love that Brent and I shared and the love that I still have for him.

The love/hurt pain that hits me at 11 0’clock at night, almost every single night, kids asleep, house clean, homeschool lessons done, alone missing that Love that I once knew.

You know, I hear it often, some people will tell me they have never seen a love the way Brent and I had, or that at such a young age we experienced more than some do in a lifetime, but I must confess if we would have been graded on marriage we would have gotten a big F or maybe a D-... : )

In our first years of marriage I couldn’t understand why people even got married! Hahaha I think at one point I even told Brent, “I love you, but I hate being married!” Now, give me a break I was only 19 years old, who knows anything at that age. BUT inside, deep inside my soul and heart I was so absolutely crazy in love with him. Pushing all arguments and petty things aside I could be anywhere at anytime doing anything AS LONG AS I WAS WITH BRENT I didn’t care.

I couldn’t explain how my heart could leap out of my chest when I heard him talk or saw his smile or just smelled his cheek. As a matter of fact I did go with him everywhere!!! I stopped going to school, worked 3 jobs at one point while we were engaged just to save so we could be together.

We got married, had NO home, lived with his parents, while he had a broken arm living downstairs, moved to the Bible college and lived in a tiny dorm room for 2 years with no kitchen, one car etc. you get the point.

I left my family, friends, life and everything I knew just so I could be with him and go wherever he went. We sold everything we had, moved to Hawaii, came back and finally settled in Murrieta at the Bible college. Then found out we were going to be parents.

At that point love changed. Now a precious little baby invaded that love between two people and made the love GRANDER into a family-of-three kind of love. The love was divided in a good way, but also in a way that had to be fought for. Soon more love joined our family when another life was given to us to love even MORE.

Then again the love between two people got even more divided and more fighting for our love and marriage was involved. That’s when love became a fight. In life's busyness Brent and I experienced a lot in our marriage, from struggles to fights, to happy quiet times and lots of MINISTRY, MINISTRY, MINISTRY (which to this day I count as the biggest blessing and privilege I ever had was to be the wife of a pastor, not a pastor's wife, but his wife) we experienced warfare, blessings etc…. There were so many different seasons in our marriage all very good but all had its challenges.

In all of life's chaos, and in all the hurdles we had to jump in marriage, I can honestly say, though it wasn’t perfect, BRENT AND I FOUGHT FOR WHAT WE HAD EVEN WHEN SATATN AND THIS WORLD CAME IN TO DESTROY. And you know what? It ONLY MADE OUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER GROW. We matured with one another, we jumped those hurdles and made it through some of the most challenging situations. Those times made us honestly stronger, more mature and we were even able to counsel others through some of the same things.

When Brent became ill, our love changed again. It was a deeper, different kind of love. Suddenly NOTHING seemed to matter. Ministry, our home, fashion, what we had, fights, etc. you get the point. ALL that seemed to matter was making sure we had each other (and our boys). One day, as Brent got more and more sick, I was helping him in the shower, he was weak, unable to talk much, stand up or do a lot at this point and I remember he looked at me and said, “ Babe, you never thought you’d be doing this uh? Helping your husband in the shower this young.” Then he just smiled, and I smiled back and said, “nope, I never did.”

My hearts hurts remembering back to that time, but I can’t help but share it for this very reason:

When you stand at the alter, what do you think your vows even mean when you are saying them and making that covenant????????????? When you say, “for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health…..until DEATH do you part.”

Why, why are marriages giving up so easily these days? No duh there are going to be tough times. You take two people and try to make it one? Obviously there are going to be issues, and hard times BUT what's the point of vows if you just throw in the towel so easily!? I understand some people are harder to live with than others, but how willing are you to FIGHT for what is there?

You know, every time I get to share at a church I always remind the women how blessed they are to be able to make dinner for their husbands and do their laundry, I can NOT tell you enough how desperately I miss that. I get irritated inside when I hear things like, “oh my husband is gone for a few days, I get the bed to myself or I don’t have to do any of those chores.”

You know what? Knowing what I do now, if I got the chance over again (with Brent) I would hold my spouse EVERY SINGLE NIGHT AND tell him how deeply, madly in love I am with him. YES every…single………night……..and thank him for working so hard and helping with the kids….etc.

11 years ago today I had the honor and privilege of becoming Brent Yim's wife. He was my best friend, the love of my life, he irritated me more than any other person ever could, he made me laugh hard, he made me mad, he led me spiritually, he worked hard, except when he had to take out the trash haha (he got better as the years passed) he was an incredible father, pastor, leader, husband and not a day goes by that I don’t miss him.

BUT tonight, I’m praying for those who are weary in their relationships, not to give up! To persevere even when those “feelings” are not there anymore. When life seems “greener” on the other side to remember what you said at the altar, to ask God for strength and peace, the God who gives to all who ask and seek. There is ALWAYS HOPE when things look hopeless.

I am praying that we would all be examples to the next generation of what a healthy home should look like. I’m truly praying for you tonight. That "self" would NOT be in the marriage covenant but it would be about how you can be a blessing/servant to that person that God has given to you. That humility would fill your hearts and minds, that you would be gracious and loving. That you would FIGHT for what is, and not what is not.

Happy 11th anniversary to you Brent.

Andrea Yim